The Tears Still Haven't Come‏

Finally I find the feelings
I understand that I may never understand you, and I'm dealing with it
There it's dealt with
My emotions on this
That situation with you is now removed
I made u seem more than you were
That even you started to believe you was
I wonder if I stab my heart, will it bleed?
I wonder why I call you dad when I never did to your face?
I've been trying to cry about this for the longest, but it's been so hard
I'm so scared of what will happen
Now I'm struggling to breath
The tears hardly hit the corners of my eyes, but I still push my head back wanting them to go back in
And
I'm drowning
Thinking about the card that never came
The big 21
No love from
No, paper or words or money or call
No tears
Just wonder
It's never gonna happen is it?
If I see you I will be awkward
I would hardly look
I would walk away
I need them to replace the pain that I'm not even sure is here
And everyday I think of you and try my best to cry
But it doesn't come and I wonder why
Do I know what love is?
Did you ever?
Let me not go anywhere until these tears have come
And I will smile and be nice
And maybe not hold back me
Not wanting to let go until it happens for real
I cry to see if I still can
It's me admitting I've got pain
I'm confused
I don't care that much for you
The tears still haven't come