Wednesday, 7 April 2010

This is not supposed to be therapy

This is not supposed to be therapy

I go to therapy on Wednesdays

Being on stage is my getaway

Or hitting the dance floor on a Saturday

I try to stay home on Sundays

Cos if I'm lucky mum will make Sunday lunch

Roast chicken and potatoes, rice and peas

"And, mummy? Don't forget the plantain!"

Yes, I know she spoils me

I’m supposed to be happy

Because most would be if they were this lucky

I’m supposed to be the one “living his dreams”

The one that they envy and aspire be like

I’m supposed to in-spire but I cry out

I’m supposed to give hope but I'm so full of doubt

I’m supposed to know exactly what I’m doing

And precisely where I’m going

Because I am a leader... right?

I’m supposed to have the answer

Or at least ask the right questions

I’m supposed to be cruising in the fast lane

But I feel so pedestrian

He gave me this notebook to write in

I’m not supposed to tell anyone

But fuck what I’m supposed to do

I’ve always done what I’m supposed to

I was supposed to get my GCSEs, A Levels and a degree

Check one, check two and, yes, check three

A whole bunch of Bs and Cs and a 2:1 in my degree

English and Philosophy

What else was I equipped to be but some kinda writer

Well I'm pretty good with kids I coulda been a teacher

But even my favourite at school, Mr Rattigan, told me

“Never...! ever...! become a teacher. You can do more"

My granddad always asks me

“When you gonna go back to your studies?”

He tells our family back in Cyprus that I’m a professor

Dr Dean Atta

But I'm far from a Dr

My only PHD a Player Hating Degree

But I don't stay put long enough for you to hate on me

I'm a Poet slash Playwright slash Producer

Slash Artistic Associate slash Creative Director

Slash confused dot com

Online searching for my ID

On Facebook faking familiarity

RT @you #completeme

BBM me, B-befriend me

This iPhone is not my phone it's a loan of identity

See I can be whatever and whoever I want to be

With the right accessory, by any app necessary

I’m supposed to be grateful for all this freedom

Free to grab opportunities when I see them

Because some let things pass them by

Fixated on money

Trapped by responsibility

Or bound by their apathy

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination.”

I believed that first time I heard it and I

Still do

But am I supposed to be afraid?

Cos I’m not

I don’t need words from page to reach out and hug me

Comfort me or tell me that they love me

I just need them to tell the truth

Cos I'm supposed to be here

And I'm supposed to do this

And, no, this isn't therapy...

But it sure feels good to me

To be sharing this, with you.


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